{December 16, 2017}

We are quickly approaching the busy season here at Walt Disney World, which means that my sanity is at an all time low and my anxiety is at an all time high. What a time to be alive, right? I'll be back to Louisiana in 19 days. On the outside, I am more than ready to be back home, though inside, I'm having some mixed emotions right now.

I've been thinking a lot about what happens after Disney, beyond the gratefulness to be back home where people can make real jambalaya. For now, I'm trying to take advantage of all the time I have with my coworkers, who are admittedly some of the best friends I've ever had, not to mention going to the parks whenever I feel like it. Some of my friends who have done the program before have mentioned the post-Disney depression when going back to what I like to call reality. I've not been scared of it until now.

For the past 5 months, I've lived in this "Disney bubble" where I haven't had to worry about school or social events or the latest news headline being all everyone talks about. I feel as though I've been sheltered from all of that, though at the same time, I've experienced my own version of reality. I have been growing up in a place where growing up isn't supposed to be allowed, but I don't regret a moment of it.

I now know what life looks like having a "real job," and I feel much more prepared to go out into the job market once I get my degree. I've formed meaningful and hopefully long-lasting relationships with some pretty amazing people. I have seen myself transform and continuously improve in my assertiveness and confidence.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous; do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

While going back to real life will be a startling change in a few short weeks, I will continue to keep God at my side to be my guide, my refuge, and my teacher. I have nothing to fear with God at my side.

{November 29, 2017}

I know that Thanksgiving is over now (trust me, I've been hearing "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" at work since November 1,) but this Thanksgiving was a little bit different and sad for me.

I worked a nine and a half hour shift on both Thanksgiving and Black Friday, so I didn't get to spend the morning making corn casserole and sweet potatoes while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade from the kitchen. My parents enjoyed their day at the parks but were sad that a piece of the family couldn't be there to celebrate with them. I felt disconnected from it all; I was bitter about having to work on Thanksgiving and not being able to spend more than one full day with my family the entire week. It's like I didn't have a Thanksgiving at all. Though after stuffing my face with too much food at our work's Thanksgiving potluck, I realized I had so much more to be thankful for than my closeted chefs of coworkers.

Yes, this Thanksgiving was a bit out of the norm, and for someone who doesn't necessarily like change, it was a bit disconcerting. I will say, though, that it really put things into perspective for me. It showed me that I should cherish the time that I do have with my family and friends, however limited it may be. It made me realize that the biggest blessings are often disguised in small packages of moments that God has dropped at our feet in hopes we open them with haste and hold them tightly to our chests. So, here's a few things I'm thankful for this holiday season:

I'm thankful for my coworkers, who have become more like a family, no matter how dysfunctional we are at times. I'm thankful for my new school opening its doors and heart to me, and I can't wait to be an LSU Tiger in January. I'm thankful for my friends, both old and new, for showing me that distance is no obstacle for the truest of friends. I'm thankful for memories I'll cherish forever with people I'll never forget. I'm thankful for my real family for always showing me love face to face or through FaceTime. Finally, I'm thankful for God for placing each of these blessings in my life.

It goes to show that no matter how big or small the package is, every moment counts. From nights at Freddy's after fireworks shifts to Friendsgiving dinners, cracking jokes at work to having an awards ceremony to celebrate each other, both the simple and elaborate moments are equally ones that I never will forget. I have counted each one and will continue to count them forever, for I am truly #blessed. Happy Thanksgiving.

{November 10, 2017}

I know you're probably wondering where I've been and if I'm alright. I will say that a lot has happened, both good and bad, in the last month that has preoccupied me to say the least. I've made some friends, lost a few, and have been doing my best to be successful in my job. I will say that I miss my family, I miss college, and I miss home.
I crave that feeling of home again, though in January, I am making a new one in Baton Rouge. I know that I haven't felt that sense of home in quite some time, and I want that so badly. Disney has been a great temporary home, but because I knew that it was only temporary, I never really embraced it as my home. Now, I have less than 8 weeks left until I go back to Louisiana, and here I am regretting not immersing myself in that temporary home.

My home became a bit emptier last week, as one of my roommates decided to leave the program and go back home. She unfortunately didn't think Disney felt like home, so she returned to her true home. I don't blame her at all, though it does make me sad to see her go since she was one of my best friends here. With her gone, the sense of home she created in my heart has disappeared, and I have been searching for a way to fill that void.

I thought about it more after crying for a few hours after she left. Living with her was temporary, but I knew that we would see each other after the program to catch up on life, and that feeling of home was not evicted but just taking a short sublease.

Here's the thing though: no matter who enters or exits the home of my heart, God is always a permanent resident, and He will be there to guide me and to vent about work to and to binge-watch TV shows and to take impromptu trips with.

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." -Psalm 46:1

Right now, I'm going to enjoy having a bedroom to myself, and while I may be looking at bare walls and an empty bed across from me, the Spirit of God dwells within this place, and His light fills the room, even as I lie in the darkness. I am alone, though I am never lonely in the company of the Lord, and I plan to fully immerse myself into His companionship and love.

{September 21, 2017}

I would first like to say that I know it's been a very long while since I've last updated, but these last weeks have been a whirlwind to say the least.

I'm all settled in to the Disney College Program, and I'm enjoying my time living and working here so far. Sure, there's been some highs and lows, but overall, this has been an incredible experience, one I've been particularly in need of.

If you followed recent news, you know about our friend Irma who dropped by Florida last week. The good news is that we received no major damage in the apartment complexes or on Disney grounds. Everyone in the Disney community banded together to ensure we were all safe, and I really felt the spirit of God in that moment and in the moments after, as groups from across the nation donated supplies and money to relief efforts in trying to restore the thousands of families affected by this natural disaster.

As soon as the curfew was lifted Monday evening, my roommate Devin and I were hungry since we failed to buy any food before the hurricane that counted as actual sustenance for a meal. So, we decided to venture out and see what places might happen to be open. Before we got in her car, I stopped outside the apartment to snap a picture of the sky because just behind the clouds was a rainbow. After the storm that raged over Florida for 2 days, God gave us a rainbow, a light among the darkness.

While debris littered the ground and homes frantically searched for power and water to be restored, God sent us a rainbow to tell us that everything would be okay. He controls all, and by His grace, He would restore all that had been broken to its former glory. After such a powerful storm, it is hard not to look at the damages and losses, but God takes the brokenness and makes us see the beauty beyond and gives us hope for a new day.

I thank God for sending me that rainbow because it reminded me that even the darkest of days can still be beautiful. It's a lesson that I needed and continue to need even now, so thank you, God.

{July 24 and 25, 2017}

I always wonder why God gave me the body I have. I'd say that I'm of average height, average-ish build, have a nice face and smile, but I've always been insecure about my body.

I wish I had a different body, one that wasn't full of injuries and pain, one that was maybe a little taller and leaner, one that I can dress in a potato sack and still manage pull it off. I just wish that I looked pretty and felt it too.

On days I feel bad about myself or the way I look and start to compare myself to others, I make a list of the things I like about myself. It helps me recognize my value when I feel that my outward appearance is all that matters.

In a world of Kim Kardashians and Kylie Jenners, it turns out that makeup makes a pretty face, but it doesn't guarantee a pretty heart. We can conceal our pesky acne and paint our lips and eyes to accentuate them, but at the end of the day, we were created in God's image, and He sees us as we are.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." -1 Peter 3:3-4

Sometimes, I don't always like the body I have, but I'm working hard to keep it healthy, in addition to my mind and spirit. I realize that no matter what body I have, God wants me to use it to fulfill His plan and purpose for me.

As a dancer, I have to deal with my body every day, and I've come to discover that my body isn't necessarily the "correct" type for dance. I'm not as lean or tall as I'd like to be, but I make it work as best as I can. The good news is that even without a dancer's ideal body, I can create art, and that means the world to me.

I was given the body I have to go and serve the world and be a faithful disciple of Jesus in whatever way I can. Sometimes it is through expressive movement in dance, sometimes it is through the written word, sometimes it is through speaking from my heart with aim to inspire others

I pray that the Lord make my body a conduit of His message so that I may go out into the world to spread His light and love wherever I may wander.

{July 23, 2017}

I have friends. I definitely have friends. I can't say I have very many true friends, but I do have friends.

Whenever a friend leaves me or my life, my mom always says that God places people in our lives to serve a specific purpose at a specific time. Many will come in and out, few will remain, but those that do are the truest of true.

It's a bit scary leaving my friends from college because I believe they are some of the best friends I've ever made. I've known some of them for 2 years, some for less than 1, but the quality of our friendships has been more substantial and meaningful in the relatively short time we've spent together.

I've gotten progressively wiser about who to trust and how to choose my friends, though I have made some mistakes. The world is filled with sin; the sinners of the world disguise themselves with promises of good company and iron confidence, only to turn their backs and reveal that their companionship was nothing more than a ruse. An evil little trick to prey on the weak and the trusting.

I've sat and cried about it, thinking that the friendship in numbers guaranteed me happiness. It turns out that it doesn't. I started to shift my point of view and realized my happiness with friends should be defined by the quality of their characters and our relationships together.

My friends that I have now would do anything for me. We have undying trust in each other, and I know that I could call them at any time of day, and we would just pick up where we left off. My friends have hearts of gold and higher purposes that guide their actions. They make me want to be better.

We inspire, motivate, create, laugh, cry, and celebrate together. Although we don't see each other as often as we'd sometimes like, we know that staying in touch in any form is just as meaningful and special. We savor the moments in each other's company, and we make plans to do it all again as soon as we get the chance.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." -John 15:13.

My friendship circle might be small, but in my circle, we all hold hands and rejoice that we have each other. We hold tight to each other with all our might because our friendship chain is truly unbreakable.

{July 22, 2017}

It hit me yesterday afternoon that I'm leaving to go to Disney for about 5 months, about 10 hours away from my parents, in 2 weeks. I've never been outside of my little nest of comfort, and it is starting to scare me a little. I know that in my head, I'm ready to go and take on this new adventure, but my worries of not having my family nearby have started to cloud my mind.

I texted my mom yesterday comparing my feelings to the first day of kindergarten. I don't remember mine in perfect detail, but I do remember feeling scared to let go of my mom's hand as she walked me to my class. My head told me to let go because I didn't want my classmates to think I was weird or a baby, but I also knew in the rational part of my brain that I could let go and walk in on my own.

I let go, of course. After the first 10 minutes or so of my five year-old self having an existential crisis over being left alone in an unfamiliar place, I talked to one of my friends from pre-school, and I knew that everything would be fine.

Thinking about this snippet from my past made me realize how taking this step of independence makes me want to strengthen my relationship with God. No matter where I am, God goes with me, and I never have to worry about having a friend in Him.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7

I won't have my friends back home or my family to keep me company on this internship, but I know that God will be with me every step of the way. I'd like to think He's the best security blanket I could ever ask for.

{July 21, 2017}

I love to dance. Ever since I could first walk, everything was a dance, whether I practice pirouettes in grocery store aisles or leap down the school hallways or use the kitchen counter as a ballet barre, it seems that I never stop dancing.

Every time I dance whether for a recital, dance concert, or musical, I always remember to thank God for allowing me to dance. God gives all of us a talent, and whether or not dance was the one destined for me, it is always a pleasure to dance for Our King.

I thank Him for the eyes I have to interact with my companions and my audience. I thank Him for the ears I have to interpret the music and rhythm. I thank Him for the mouth and voice I have to sing the show-stopping lyrics to my favorite musicals. I thank Him for the able body I have to express and emote the human condition through this art.

Most of all, I thank Him for my heart, my heart that loves to dance with every fiber of my being.

I performed in my first college dance concert shortly after my grandmother died. In my grief, I lost some of that joy that I had when I danced. I prayed about it night after night, hoping that I could gain my spark back in time for the concert. God and I had a deep conversation, and He led me to a Bible verse I love.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me in gladness." -Psalm 30:11

My grief faded away as I danced on the stage, embracing what I loved to do all for the glory of God. Life can be hard, sometimes I will stumble and fall, but life is a dance, and I won't stop until I've taken my final bow.
 

{July 20, 2017}

I am a firm believer that "everything happens for a reason" and "there is a time and a place for everything," though sometimes, I wish I could take my own advice.

Whether it's a relationship or a new activity or endeavor, sometimes we are called to wait, be patient, and have our reward when God feels it will bring us more happiness. I've found through my years of trying that it is impossible to force something to happen when it isn't meant to be, no matter how much you think you need it in that moment.

I am a member of Greek life on my university's campus, and I wear my letters proudly because I know the value of our organization and what my letters stand for. My sorority was founded on love, friendship, and a higher purpose in life, and we actively pursue Christian womanhood and servant leadership. I felt that at one time, I was called to serve as a member of my chapter's executive council. While it didn't work out for me in that moment, I could have never seen what God had in store for me.

A few months passed, and after the initial grief and recovery of that major blow to my self-esteem, I got an email saying that the Walt Disney Company was offering me a position to be a part of their College Program for the fall semester.

God unveiled to me that I had somewhere different to serve, a place that holds a very special piece of my heart and a place where I can bring, share, and experience magic every single day.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” -Ecclesiastes 3:11

I was upset knowing that I only had a limited amount of time left in college and that in that limited time, I would never serve as my sorority's chapter president, but the opportunity around the corner was one I knew I couldn't pass up. 

Patience is a virtue, my friends, and in a world of instant gratification, it can be infuriating and upsetting when our need is not immediately served. However, I encourage you to wait with an open and ready heart so that when God calls you to seize an unforeseen opportunity, take the chance and go willingly to heed God's call.

{July 19, 2017}

First of all, I want to apologize for not posting sooner! I haven't been near my computer the last few days.

In that time, I did find out how I did on my test. It wasn't terrible, though I know I could absolutely do better.

Leaving my test, I immediately felt like I was an idiot. I knew that I should have studied more and my poor grade would be reflective of my efforts. Sadly, I am a perfectionist, so when I make mistakes, the smallest of blunders seem like the end of the world in my mind.

While I know that true human perfection is not possible, I aim to get as close as I can to that, and it takes a toll on my perception of myself. I am my biggest critic and worst enemy, and it's something I have struggled with from the time I could understand and internalize what self-hatred was.

In these moments when I feel weak and worthless and useless, I could turn to things that comfort me in that moment, like a fat slice of cheesecake. Unfortunately, food can only give me temporary satisfaction because after I finish devouring said slice of cheesecake, my mind spirals into an array of hateful thoughts.

"Why did you eat that whole thing? Do you know how many calories that is? You'd be skinnier and prettier if you didn't let food comfort you. Don't be such a fattie."

In case you were wondering, I did not eat said slice of cheesecake because I wanted to resist the temptation of instant gratification and impulsive decision-making. Instead, I came home and opened my Bible, and it suddenly felt like my eyes and ears were fully opened too.

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand." -Psalm 37:23-24

So, maybe I didn't study as hard as I should have, and I'm planning to read a chapter of my Economics book after I finish writing this, but no matter what happens, I know that God is leading me onward and allowing me to learn from my mistakes so that I can grow more into who He made me to be.

{July 18, 2017}

            Summer classes aren’t fun, especially boring and challenging ones. I have 2 tests this week, and the stress of getting a billion things done before summer term ends is really getting to me.

This morning as I lugged my backpack to class, I made sure to mentally check that I had all of my supplies. Pencils: check. Textbook: check. Mid-morning snack: check. Lecture notes: check. I had everything, right?

            I sat in my desk waiting for the ever-so scintillating Microeconomics lecture to begin, and I realized I had forgotten something. Oh, right! I forgot to bring Jesus. Of course, I can’t literally bring Jesus into my Econ lecture (though having a buddy to talk to would be great,) but I can bring His heart and mind. That’s what I forgot.

            It took me a while to recognize it, but once I did, I refocused my thoughts. I had been so caught up in my anxiety and dread about going to class and taking a practice exam today that I neglected to pack who and what I needed most.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” –James 1:2-4

Once I refocused my thoughts and realized that God would be with me through this test of my bravery and willingness to succeed, it enabled me to be my best and work my hardest.

So, I definitely have a bit more studying to do tonight, but as important as my Scantron and pencil are, I won’t forget to bring God to my test.

Introduction {July 18, 2017}

I don’t really know how to start this other than this is the start of my faith journey.

Through this, I am going to find myself through Christ’s word and make His word a part of my daily life.

I want this to be an accurate perception of my life and relationship with Christ as I navigate the murky waters of turning 20. 

No longer am I a teenager, but I am a young woman who is entering this crazy world feeling, in a word, unequipped. 

I believe that by strengthening my bond with Christ that I will become more prepared to take on the world and that my faith and life will be enriched.

Welcome to my faith journey! I hope you'll stick around for the ride.